THE GROWING SELF MODEL

Disturbed Mountains

When our protective reactions stay activated and begin shaping how we move through everyday life.

The Mountains help the Landscape when things become too intense to handle. Information overwhelms the Self and now the instincts have to relieve the pressure.

The Mountains are the deeper parts of the Self that respond before we have time to think. They are not concerned with making meaning in a thoughtful way.

They are concerned with survival.

When the Channels are flooded and the Roots are under pressure, the Mountains rise up to protect the system. This works well most of the time, but issues can develop.

The Mountains are not broken when they respond. They are doing what they were made to do. The issue begins when the Mountains become disturbed and the system starts reading too many things as danger.

A disagreement becomes an attack.
A pause becomes rejection.
A mistake becomes failure.
A feeling becomes a threat.

The Mountains rise again and again until the Self begins to live from protection instead of awareness.

The mind has four instincts that it uses when signaled that something is off and there is danger. The instincts kick in almost instantly and the body responds. The heart begins to race and the systems get ready for whatever comes next.

Those four instincts are fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These instincts happen before choice. They are the first wave.

But they are not the whole Self.

Once the wave slows, we can begin to notice what happened and decide how we want to respond.

The fight reaction happens to increase control over the threat. This looks like a physical fight to ward off danger, but it also looks like setting boundaries and taking decisive action when something needs to be done.

Fight is not always aggression. Sometimes fight is the force that helps us protect ourselves, speak clearly, and stop something harmful from continuing. The mind starts to fill with thoughts that this shouldn’t be happening.

There is heat in the body.
The jaw tightens, the chest rises, and the words become fast.
The action is motivated to control the swirling situation.

Fight does not always look like yelling. Sometimes it looks like proving a point, correcting every detail, demanding an answer, or trying to force the world to make sense again.

The tension rises and we start to apply force to control the danger. Once things are deemed safe, the drive will slow and we return to our baseline.

This helps protect us and keep control of dangers, but there can be issues.

We can misinterpret the situation and become aggressive over small things.
We can overly apply the instinct and begin to constantly feel frustrated.
We can begin to control situations and be extra sensitive to danger.
We may start to believe that if we are not in control, then we are not safe. This leaves us exhausted and perpetuates the drive.

The Mountain keeps rising even when the threat has already passed.

The flight response pushes us away from danger. This drive wants us to run and stay ahead of whatever might harm us.

This is very helpful when we are in physical danger and can help the Self when feeling overwhelmed. The flight response tells us to take a step back from the edge when we are near the breaking point. We need this space to regulate ourselves and it has value in its function.

Flight is not always avoidance. Sometimes flight is the wisdom to step away before the system breaks.

But flight does not always mean leaving the room. Sometimes it means leaving the moment.

We scroll, overthink, stay busy, fantasize, change the subject, over plan, or distract ourselves from what is happening.

The chest gets tight and the restlessness grows. The mind says, “I need to get out of this.” The thoughts race while we try to stay ahead of every possible danger.

We may confuse distance with safety and movement with progress.

When the drive is overused, it creates constant tension within the psyche. We develop a pattern of avoiding and distracting away from issues that need attention. We may leave conversations too early, avoid making decisions, end things before they get too close, or keep ourselves so busy that we never have to feel what is underneath.

This leaves us always searching for danger and creates emotional distance while shrinking our world. This all takes a lot of energy and focus to keep up and can become how we see ourselves as the avoider.

The freeze response conserves by staying in place until the danger has passed. The freeze instinct tells us to stay still and prevents the Self from becoming overstimulated.

This is helpful when action may make things worse or when the system needs time to gather itself.

Freeze is not weakness or laziness. It is the system conserving energy because action feels too costly, too dangerous, or too unclear.

This can create issues in our lives when freeze becomes the usual response. We see this in everyday life as numbness, indecision, and disconnection from our lives.

The body may feel heavy.
The mind may go blank.
The person may feel far away from themselves.

The outside world may see inaction, but inside the Self there may be a storm.

We get into a pattern of freezing and letting our indecision be our decision. This keeps us stuck and feeling helpless. We retreat inward and don’t make moves to take control of our situation.

We tell ourselves that nothing will help and we carry a heaviness with us. We procrastinate the things that are uncomfortable and shut down when action is needed.

This creates havoc in our lives and keeps the Self in a perpetual state of fearing to act. The Mountain is trying to keep us safe, but it can also keep us still long after movement is needed.

The fawning instinct isn’t talked about as much, but it has serious implications on our everyday lives. This is the instinct to keep the peace and to appease those around us. This is a de-escalation instinct to soothe tensions and maintain connections.

Fawn is the survival response that treats disconnection as danger.

This helps us read the room and notice tensions faster. We become more attuned to others’ mannerisms and quickly shift our focus to the other person’s needs.

The body becomes alert to tone, facial expression, silence, and small changes in energy. The mind says, “I need to keep them okay.”

If the other person is calm, then the Self feels safer.
If the other person is upset, then the Self feels threatened.

This leaves our needs and wants unattended and we develop resentments over time. The Self tries to keep others satisfied and that becomes priority over the Self. The other’s well-being becomes tied to the safety of the Self.

This can be a reaction to the threat of rejection or a feeling of disconnection. It can also be a reaction to someone else’s intense emotion or other people fighting.

We can agree and accommodate the other person’s feelings to our own detriment. We trade our authenticity for our safety and fall into habitual people pleasing that depletes us.

Fawn is not always bad. Sometimes it helps us soften tension, care for others, and stay connected.

But when it becomes disturbed, the Self starts to disappear into the needs of everyone else. We may believe that being easy, agreeable, useful, or pleasing is the only way to stay safe.

What looks like kindness on the outside may actually be fear underneath. The person may not even notice they are abandoning themselves because it feels like love, loyalty, or being a good person.

These are the Mountains that regulate the system and relieve the pressure. They are the instincts that rise when the Self feels overwhelmed by danger, disconnection, uncertainty, or too much intensity.

They protect us, but when they stay disturbed, we begin to mistake protection for personality.

If the fight response works often enough, the Self may begin to form Channels around control. If flight works often enough, the Self may form Channels around avoidance. If freeze works often enough, the Self may form Channels around helplessness. If fawn works often enough, the Self may form Channels around pleasing others.

Over time, the response is no longer something we do. It becomes something we believe we are.

I am not just fighting, I am the fighter.
I am not just leaving, I am the avoider.
I am not just frozen, I am helpless.
I am not just pleasing, I am the one who keeps everyone together.

When these responses are repeated enough, they begin to shape the Trunk. The Self starts to build identity around the instinct.

These patterns also show up in relationships.

One person’s fight may trigger another person’s freeze.
One person’s flight may trigger another person’s fawn.
One person tries to control the pressure while the other disappears into themselves.
One person pulls away and the other tries harder to keep the connection.

The Mountains are trying to protect each person, but together they may create the very danger they are trying to escape.

The problem begins when the Mountain does not settle after the danger has passed.

The body stays prepared.
The mind keeps scanning.

The Self keeps organizing life around a threat that may no longer be present. This takes energy from the rest of the system. The Landscape becomes organized around protection instead of growth.

Although these are our most basic instincts that we turn to in times of survival, we have others to lean into.

The Mountains help us survive, but survival is not the whole story.

We have instincts telling us to be open to the new and to engage in life. We have drives that want to be heard and want to create. We have other systems that regulate our well being and play an influential role in the meaning we make out of life.

There are other currents within the Self that help us open, connect, express, move, create, and choose.

These do not erase the Mountains. They help the Mountains settle.

The goal is not to remove our instincts, because they are part of being human. The goal is to understand when they are protecting us and when they are keeping us trapped in a storm that has already passed.