THE GROWING SELF MODEL

Branches & Leaves

The relationship with the relationships in our lives.

The Branches and Leaves grow out from the Trunk and into the Stream. If the Trunk is the organized sense of “me,” then the Branches are how that “me” reaches into relationship.

The Branches are not just the people in our lives. They are the relationships we have with those people.

My mother is a person, but the Branch is the relationship between us. It includes the history, expectations, emotions, roles, trust, tension, love, responsibility, and meaning that exist between us.

The Branches dig into the Stream and affect the Stream’s flow in very specific ways. Relationships are not passive. They change the movement of the Landscape.

A safe relationship can calm the Stream.
A confusing relationship can muddy the water.
A tense relationship can make the current rush.
A supportive relationship can help the Trunk stand taller and grow in new directions.

These small Branches can become large bends and forks in the Stream that influence the Trunk.

The Branches grow out of the Trunk because the way I see myself affects the relationships I form.

If I see myself as the helper, I may grow Branches where I am always helping. If I see myself as unwanted, I may grow Branches where I expect rejection. If I see myself as strong, I may grow Branches where I hide my need for support.

The Trunk says, “This is who I am.”
The Branch asks, “Who am I with you?”

The Branches also shape the Trunk. Relationships influence how we understand ourselves.

A loving relationship can help the Trunk become more flexible.
A critical relationship can make the Trunk stiffen.
A rejecting relationship can make the Trunk bend inward.
A safe relationship can allow the Trunk to loosen and grow.

This is why the Branches push and pull on the Trunk from above. That pressure can create imbalance, but it can also allow the Self to grow in whole new directions.

These relationships in the Branches and Leaves are dependent on the stability of the concepts they are rooted in.

The relationship between spouses depends on their concepts of marriage. Marriage may mean loyalty, closeness, freedom, responsibility, honesty, forgiveness, privacy, shared goals, or emotional support.

If two people have very different concepts of marriage, the Branch may strain. One person may think love means constant closeness while the other thinks love means trust and independence. One person may think conflict means honesty while the other thinks conflict means danger.

When there are issues within the relationship, either the concept has to change or the balance has to change for the Self to remain.

The relationship may look like the problem, but the deeper issue may be the Channels and Roots supporting the Branch.

If I believe yelling means I should yell back, then the relationship will move in that direction. If I believe disagreement means abandonment, then even a small conflict can feel like the whole Branch is shaking.

The meanings we make guide the way relationships grow.

The Leaves are the smaller moments of contact that happen within the relationship. They are the conversations, text messages, hugs, arguments, apologies, shared meals, disappointments, repairs, routines, and memories.

The Branch is the relationship itself, but the Leaves are the little moments that allow the relationship to breathe.

A relationship does not grow from one big moment.

It grows through all the small exchanges that happen over time.

Some Branches are strong and supportive. These relationships allow honesty, difference, closeness, repair, and growth.

Some Branches are weak and do not provide much connection or stability. Some are strained and still matter, but they pull hard on the Trunk.

Some Branches become overgrown and take up too much of the Self. One relationship can become so important that the Trunk starts bending around it.

Some Branches are broken, and even though they are no longer growing they may still leave marks on the Trunk.

Not every Branch is meant to last forever. Some relationships are seasonal. They matter for a time, but they are not meant to stay attached in the same way for the rest of our lives.

Some Branches end because they are unsafe, no longer mutual, or no longer allow the Self to grow.

This does not mean they were meaningless. It means the relationship could not remain attached in the same way.

The Branches also need boundaries. If the Branches grow too close together, they can become tangled. If one Branch takes all the light, the rest of the Self may not get what it needs.

A boundary is not always cutting down the Branch. Sometimes it is giving the Branch enough space to grow without pulling the whole Trunk off balance.

Relationships need closeness and distance, giving and receiving, honesty and care, support and challenge. If one side takes over, the Branch strains.

Repair is part of healthy Branches. A strong relationship has tension sometimes.

A strong relationship is able to repair after tension.

Apologies, accountability, patience, forgiveness, changed behavior, and honest conversations help the Branch recover after storms. The Leaves may get damaged, but that does not always mean the whole Branch has to break.

The relationships we form make us who we are. They are the intimate connections between us and our loved ones. They are also the people we do not like that much.

We need people in our lives to celebrate the good times and to help us through the bad. We are social creatures and we need connection with other people.

Relationships can support us, challenge us, nourish us, and help us grow. They can also become burdens and threats to the Self.

These relationships change over time. Some grow quickly and others grow slowly. Some become stronger after storms while others fade away. Some stay with us through most of life and others only last a season.

The important thing is that relationships are part of the living system of the Self.

They are not outside of us.

They influence the Stream, pull on the Trunk, grow from the Roots, and shape the meanings we make.

In the model of the Growing Self, the Branches are the relationships that extend from identity into the world. The Leaves are the daily moments of contact that give those relationships life. Together, they show how other people become part of the Self’s living system.